Someone Flushed the Line

Since last Thursday, I had been getting progressively grumpier, and for no known reason I could think of.

I was relieved to have withdrawn my application from a gorgeous studio in Jersey, because even though I was having great fantasies of luxuriating beneath my huge windows on my red sofa while my cat, Shade, played happily in the large open space in what was once the headquarters for the Black Panthers (true fact), the commute was really going to be a bitch, and there was something not-quite-trustworthy about the landlords, I felt.

Turns out, they took a partial deposit that they shouldn't have, and cashed the check when I withdrew my application.  I've already threatened an Attorney General complaint if I don't receive my money back 'by Wednesday', and the complaint is all filled out and ready to go, so I really feel it's taken care of, one way or the other, so I don't think that's the source of my crankiness.

I love snow, and was thrilled with the pile we got dumped on us.  I enjoyed long walks in the winter wonderland of Central Park over the weekend, the company of friends and the warmth of my apartment, now that the heat's back on.

I have also become grateful for my living situation, finally, because it's ridiculously cheap, one of the quietest places, if not THE quietest, place I've ever lived, the location is choice and as far as roommates go, I can live with the dynamics I've got.  Plus, last night Shade had a mouse for dinner.  I was very worried for his mental state, being locked in my room for most of the day and all.

I was just about to sit down to my free range, humanely raised, organically fed chicken when I saw Shade chewing on something.  I thought it was a piece of the mat that he 's been tearing up trying to open the door when I'm gone.  Something was hanging out of his mouth, string like.  I said 'WHAT? did you get into' and pulled on what turned to be the tail of a pretty thoroughly chewed up field mouse.  Gag.  That one will stay with me for sense memory.  Forever.

Anyway, I honestly can't figure out what it was that was making me want to act like a three year old and stomp my feet and pump my fists while I screamed at decibels opera divas only dream of.  I even contemplated that it was a lack of vitamin K, because I had run out of my spirulina supplement.  However, starting last night, after making snarky comments at Joan Rivers (WHAT?! did she do to her face?  Alien!) on her snide little, judgmental show Fashion  Police, the density in my sternum seems to be lifting.

If you have a cat, you know the feeling of having them arise from your chest, or stomach and the breath of the feeling of weightlessness that follows.  That is the feeling I have this morning.

As well, I seem to be reconnected to my creative spirit in a way I've been waiting for and leaning towards.  There are pieces of music that I've had on the back burner, some of them since I was a teenager, to choreograph.

For my train ride this morning, I chose an attitude of intentional solitude - I'll mind my business and you can mind yours.  When you're an empath, it is very challenging to not feel the edges of the emotional morass that is the air on a subway car.  Sometimes directing one's focus to music is helpful.  So, I put on Suzanne Ciani's Rain, a lovely piano piece that sounds much like it's name in a playful and soothing composition.  This is also on of my back burner pieces.

As I came up to the platform on my transfer to the downtown 1 Train, I started stepping into the choreography I have started on this composition.  It's simple notation, nothing flamboyant.  The thrill of this piece will be in the juxtaposition of movement, not in any great acrobatics.

I was hit with the energy of creativity and potential, and ideas were exploding in my head and making my heart sing.

I noticed a woman, peripherally, sitting on the nearby bench.  She was sending me a negative, judgmental vibe, a vibe I'm all too familiar with in power play situations; auditions, interviews.  I was able to deflect it and reject it, like brushing away a fly.  This was an epiphany.  The veil was lifted, I was able to envision a freedom of expression in audition and creation situations that I have been working towards.  These moments never come about the way you expect them to.

And now, the choreography is soaring.  I'm absolutely giggling with delight at what I'm coming up with, including a motivation to book a studio and get some dancers in there STAT!

Stepping off of the train I am wondering what has changed in the stratosphere, atmosphere, biosphere, cosmos to open this energy pathway.  "Somebody flushed the line", I think.

It is also possible that this is some of the continuing effect of a process I submitted myself to a year ago.  It is something called a 'Light Activation'. (Yoko at this studio in Chelsea did mine  Life Activation It is a process done by an energy worker with techniques based on the wisdom of Solomon.  There were attitudes and beliefs woven into the fabric of my atoms that have changed and evaporated, been revealed and released, since I participated in this process.  The intention of a light activation is to make room for more light in your DNA.  I didn't really think too much about the process after I underwent it.  I only know the enlightenment I'm experiencing feels like a big deal, and I don't really have anything else to attribute these kind of attitude changes to.

Other than: someone flushed the line...